My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
