just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
