im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
