This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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