I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
