Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
