well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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