If i come over, it means nothing
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
