I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
