Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
