I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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