whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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