I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize