I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
