what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
