somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
