A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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