In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
