I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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