I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
