why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize