from now on my penis is your penis
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
