Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
