the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize