I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
