IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
