i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
