dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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