I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
