So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize