he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
