I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
