Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
