Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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