How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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