I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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