I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
