I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
