could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
