So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
