When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
