i already hear my dad disowning me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
