He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm always down for nudity.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
