Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
