My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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