And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
