just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
