You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
