Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
