It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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