You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
