I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
