he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You left your phone here
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