how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
