walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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