I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
