once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
