I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
