I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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