last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize