the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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