yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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