considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
