apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
