dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
