Screwed.edu
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just puked most of my soul out..
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