HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
