Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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