My liver just broke up with me...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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