my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
