your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
