The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize