Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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