Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
