i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
