I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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