I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
