Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
