I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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